Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I want is dick and wine.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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