If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Even my vagina gasped.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
