My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
