He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
