I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
