i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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