I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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