Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
