OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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