Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
