This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
