1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
