my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
