i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
