Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
