I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
