I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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