Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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