my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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