There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
