I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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