So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
