I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
