Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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