It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
