Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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