I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love having hate sex.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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