Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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