they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
