Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I sprained my soul last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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