Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
