Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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