when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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