Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
