I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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