just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
