Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
