I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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