my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
