I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
