nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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