I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
