i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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