am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
