how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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