you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
