I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
