Umm I'm too high to move.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
