Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
