your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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