you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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