You're my little dorito
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
