she woke up with a sticky ear
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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