so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
