my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
