pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
