You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
