marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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