At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
