I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
